The Cashie Challenge

Truth be told, Cashie has been my most challenging baby. Not in the sense he had colic but in the "I want my Mama told hold me ALL DAY LONG. And, if I don't get that I'm gonna whine and cry until it happens." I sure do love my Cashie, but it has been a rough couple of months. I wake up each morning with a renewed vow to make it through emotionally unscathed. But, by 2 p.m., I am usually completely worn down. Now I know he's just a baby and that babies deserve to be held and snuggled and cuddled and given loads of love. I try my best to make this happen.....but within reason. There is absolutely no way I can hold him all day long. I have two other young boys in my life that also need time with Mama. Whenever I put Cash down, I have approximately 3 minutes before the whining begins. And believe me, he is relentless. Maybe I've taught him this. Maybe it's just his nature. A part of me loves that he loves me so much to want to be in my arms for hours at a time. But another part of me yearns to have a solid half-hour to clean the kitchen without interruption, put away laundry, or simply build a road with my older boys. We are still working on a balance. 

Last week my sweet baby boy turned 7-months old. He's rolling effortlessly from stomach to back, holding his toys tightly, switching items from hand to hand, loves swinging at the park, gobbling up pureed foods, enjoying his bath-time, flirting with the ladies, complaining about toys that he drops, happily interacting with his brother George (my prediction as they will be great friends), and sleeping longer at night. (Daytime naps are not happening much, but we are working on them). 

Mamiya 7ii; Delta 3200; Fromex

Marble Game James

James with his obsession, Quadrilla.

Mamiya 7ii; can't recall film; RPL

Does Out of Focus Mean Ruined?

Friday was a hard day for Cash and me. It started off good but slowly deteriorated and ended with me in tears. Most days I can roll with the constant fussing, crying and restlessness but Friday it just got to me. The root of the problem is sleep, and the fact that Cash doesn't need much. Now that he is sleeping more at night (yay!), it seems as though he just plows through the day without needing much precious sleep at all (boo).  This probably sounds like I have nothing to complain about, but honestly it makes for a really long day when you have a baby that wants to be held most of the time starting at 6 a.m., and two other boys with whom you'd like to be involved.  When Cashie naps it allows me to rejuvenate; it provides me an opportunity to gas up for the next few hours filled with playing, eating, answering, cleaning, etc.. By 4:30 Friday I called Fran pleading with him to come home so that I could get a break from my precious love, Baby Cash. 

Anyway, this post wasn't supposed to be about more sleep issues. It truly started off as a post on the fact the images below are out of focus. Somehow I got sidetracked with everything else going on in my life. Last week I shared 10 minutes of time with Cash and my Mamiya 7ii.  My Mamiya is my go-to camera when I want to document a piece of my life by actually being present in the photograph instead of behind the lens (I use the self-timer).  Life can get so loud and crazy around here, and it's good for me to stop and make time for the moments that pass so quickly. I set this up using zone focusing, something I've used in the past and continue to experiment with. I've had pretty good luck so far, but this time it didn't work out that well. It's clear that in most of them my leg is in focus but Cash and I simply are not. Even so, I don't feel like the images are a total loss. They remind me of a short moment in time when Cash and I bonded outside of all the craziness and everything was just the way it ought to be. I'm going to pull these up next time the goin' gets tough and the day feels completely out of focus. Because it's certainly not ruined. 

Mamiya 7ii; Delta 3200 rated @ 2500; Fromex

The Best Gift

Mamiya 7ii; Neopan 400 pushed to 1600; Fromex Marina Del Rey, CA; tripod setup f5.6 / 1/8 second

Still loving my Mamiya for the self-portraits.

All The Things That Shouldn't Go On While Watching Football

Well, we are back! After spending the last three weeks in Michigan with the Camaj family, including a short trip to Boston, we arrived in Los Angeles yesterday afternoon. Though we had a great time, I was happy to be home sleeping in my own bed last night.  I think I have about 23 rolls of film to develop, so I've really got nothing to post just yet. But, I did stumble across this photo that I took just before leaving at the beginning of October, hence the title of this post of what should not go on:
1.) Baby sleeping on a fluffy pillow covered by another pillow.
2.) Baby sleeping on his stomach.
3.) Hmmmm.....maybe baby in the care of Papa so that I can get a short break.
4.) Papa laying down eating a messy sandwich in bed.
5.) Mama letting it all go down all the while snapping a photo.
Ok, now off to unpack 3 suitcases!

Mamiya 7ii; Delta 3200 pushed to 6400; Fromex, Marina Del Rey

I Look Huge on this Sofa.

Yes, you read me write. But, I'm posting this photo anyway because I really wanted to post something to my blog tonight, and I feel like I don't have many options. This is a moment of love between me and my baby boy. So, I'm going to try to move past the self-conscience Tamara.
It was a rough kinda week this week (and we're only on Thursday). I got a terrible stomach bug very early Tuesday morning that kept me running to the bathroom every 1/2 an hour or so for almost 12 hours. Then, I was so weak I could barely stand up straight. In fact, I didn't....until late Tuesday night. Wednesday was a good day without sickness.
But, I miss my two older sons. I spend most of my days nursing Cash and trying to do things around the house during his sleepy time. The boys spend their days at the park with Jessica or at school for James. I'm still hesitant to pack up the baby and head out to the park at 5 weeks old. Until we get into a better schedule, I sadly wave good-bye to James and George and look forward to hearing their little feet pitter patter back up to the door followed up with a cheerful "Hi Mama". I love those boys.

Mamiya 7ii, self-timer, zone-focused (working out a lot better than I thought!); Kodak Tri-X 400 pushed to 800; Dev. & Scanned at Fromex

Appreciation

The woman in this photograph was a HUGE help to us right after Cash was born. Meet Aunt Shasha, Fran's sister who often comes to visit from Michigan with her two boys Zeb and Orion. This past time she arrived solo to assist us with James, George, and the new babe. I cannot begin to thank her for all of her time and devotion she displayed during the week she was here. Some of her acts of kindness included: waking up with James and George on a daily basis (usually around 6:00 a.m. and maybe even earlier), feeding them breakfast, reading countless books, bathing them, consoling George in the wee hours of the morning when he got sick, watching Cash while I snuck out to do some girly stuff (amongst other errands), and basically just being present for anything that might make our lives a little bit easier.
Aunt Shasha, the boys absolutely adore you and we can't wait to see you again in October. Thank you so much for all that you did for us!

Contax 645 and Mamiya 7ii; Portra 800; RPL (who, by the way, never fails to impress)

Sunbathing and George's Curiosity

Don't worry, the blankie was promptly removed.

Mamiya 7ii; can't recall film; RPL

Self-Portrait With Baby Cash

This was taken with my Mamiya 7ii, 65mm 4.0 lens, using Tri-X 400; self-timer. I really like experimenting with this function, but I hold my breath until I get my film back. Here I was testing out zone-focusing. I'm pretty sure I had the aperture set at f8. Though there are not a lot of "keepers," having just one image that speaks to me is enough motivation for me to keep trying.

Hide-N-Seek

Still working out the kinks using this self-timer thing. It's difficult to determine my focus point and then make sure that I get into that exact position. Sometimes I win, but most of the time I'm off. If anyone has any tips, I'd love to hear them.

Mamiya 7ii, Kodak BW400CN, Fromex for development & scanning